Why I think marriage is like Fortnite

Hello everyone! Hope your weekend was as fun filled as mine was. Father’s day and my birthday are 3 days apart and my wife usually does one main gift for both. (I’d rather give the gift then to receive one) this year she got me the best game I’ve played in a while…Fortnite!

I know I’m a little late to the Fortnite craze and people have been playing for months. But when I tell you this game is on a whole other level of gaming, I wasn’t ready lol. After playing a few days and getting better I realized something. Marriage and Fortnite are more similar than you think. I have 5 comparisons below and you tell me if you agree.

1. Everyone sucks at first

Learning something new is always a challenge. In this game learning all the controls, how to build, etc. In marriage its learning your significant others ways, pet peeves and habits. And until you really get to know them, you’ll come into a few arguments at first. But you learn and you get better each day.

2. “Building up” your relationship

The very first time I played I was so confused on why these people were building structures higher and higher while in battle. By reading Fortnite tips online (and YouTube) I found that you want to “build up” to get the height advantage on your opponents. Same in marriage, except your not trying to kill each other (hopefully). The advantage you are trying to get is on life.

Building up your relationship helps strengthen your bond so your prepared when a bump in the road comes along to break it. A weak relationship will break over small things. Where if you’ve been building on your foundation, even the big issues can be handled with no problems.

3. Keep moving forward

The worst thing you can do in Fortnite is stay in one spot! Between all the other opponents searching for loot and the never ending storm, you will die if you don’t keep moving towards the center of the white circle.

Every marriage has problems from time to time, but it’s what you do after is what matters. Your relationship will die too if you don’t keep moving forward. Dwelling on the past acts as a poison that slowly eats away at your feelings for the other person. But moving forward you can always rebuild.

4. Beware of the coming storm

This is more so for men. I’ve been married almost 10 years (July 28th) and after really paying attention to my wife and how she thinks, I can foreshadow an argument (the storm) before I do or say something stupid. That’s why building up your relationship is so important. To have the ability to prevent a fight will save you in the long run. If you see that purple screen start to close in, do you just stay where you are or do you try to make it to the safe space?

Granted, you can’t prevent all the arguments you might find yourself in. But knowing you can stop a few will make both of your lives easier.

5. Solo VS Duo

The first 2 days of gaming I did on the solo mode. Learning the buttons and where to land to find loot. It was very challenging. But when my wife downloaded it on her phone and we played duos together, it made it a lot easier.

It’s always better to have someone watching your back. In life as well. I don’t know where I would be if my wife wasn’t there for me all the times she was. I’ve had some really depressing lows and the one person I could count on was always there. So if you’re married and you have a problem, you should be able to confide in your spouse.

Thanks again for reading! If you have any other comparisons between marriage and your favorite game, leave a comment and tell me about it.

Just because:

Anybody else been eliminated by someone better then you? I have lol

How I balance work, blogging and family life

As you may know by now if you’ve read my last few blogs here, that I’m new to the blogging community. I didn’t know how much time was needed to actually get my name and content out there. But I soon realized that I needed a balanced time schedule to make my daily goals, work my full-time job without slacking off and spending time with my wife and kids.

A little bit about me

I’m 28 years old and have been married for almost 10 years (July 28). I have two daughters Chilaa 10 and ZyKaraa 5. Also two God kids Jillian 5 and Grayson aka Fitz 7 months. I am Head of Housekeeping for the mall in my town and work your average 9-5 time period.

Starting out I was going in full force and trying to focus solely on writing and getting people to read my content that I started to lack in other areas. So I had to come up with a system that works for me and it’s been working this far.

Work

Being the Head of Housekeeping there is not alot of “free time” for writing. But I’ve got a system down now where I’ll do my morning walk through of the mall to see what needs to be tended to first. While I do that I think of my topic for the day. Once I get to a stopping point I write down my ideas and pick the best one. Then I go and do some cleaning or trash rounds while thinking of my content and how I want to present it. Then after my majority of tasks are done I take a break and usually have lunch with my wife. No work or writing during this time. This part of the day is for me and her only. This helps Alot and doesn’t make her feel like I’m ignoring her by being focused elsewhere.

After my break, in between cleaning tasks, I write a paragraph here and there till I have the base idea of the blog done. Our mall is not your typical high traffic mall So every day there is a point where I have done everything and just have to wait for someone to make a mess. During this time is where I fine tune and edit my post for publishing. Learning to multitask is a must if you already have a full-time job.

Family

After work is done, the evening is children based. Between homework, karate practice 2 days a week, tag teaming dinner with my wife and just being with them is their time with me. I’ll check instagram and Twitter here and there but I try not to loose myself in my devices when I’m with them.

From past experiences I’ve learned that time with your parents at a young age can make the biggest impressions on your life as an adult. Having your parents “present” is very important.

Time for the Wife

After the kids are in bed, dog has been walked and God kids have gone home. We finally get time to ourselves. Some nights it’s later then others but even if we are both tired we will talk about our days, watch a show or two, play minecraft (greastest couple activity in my book) or just watch some YouTube videos. But our time is our time.

Once or twice a week we will have our solo time. When you’ve been married for a long time its good to have that personal time before you two get tired of being around each other. How do you balance your time? What’s your biggest struggle time wise?

What’s your state’s marriage and divorce ratio?

My previous blog Top 5 Arguments That Lead To Divorce focused on the reasons couples get divorced. So here I have some numbers on the actual percentage of those divorces in each state. Also the percentage of married couples as well.

These are not my findings! I just really thought that this was interesting. All credit do to John Harrington and Cheyenne Buckingham for these ratios. Click the link for more facts and details of each state.

1. Alabama -Divorced 12.5%, Married 33.4%

2. Alaska -Divorced 11.6%, Married 48.8%

3. Arizona -Divorced 12.4%, Married 33.3%

4. Arkansas -Divorced 13.1%, Married 24.8%

5. California -Divorced 9.5%, Married 33.1%

6. Colorado -Divorced 12%, Married 34.8%

7. Connecticut -Divorced 10.7%, Married 35.6%

8. Delaware -Divorced 11.4%, Married 32%

9. Florida- Divorced 13%, Married 32.3%

10. Georgia -Divorced 11.4%, Married 30.1%

11. Hawaii -Divorced 9.4%, Married 46.1%

12. Idaho -Divorced 12.2%, Married 43.1%

13. Illinois -Divorced 9.8%, Married 44.9%

14. Indiana -Divorced 12.7%, Married 20.2%

15. Iowa -Divorced 10.8%, Married 45.4%

16. Kansas -Divorced 11.5%, Married 47.1%

17. Kentucky -Divorced 13.2%, Married 50.2%

18. Louisiana -Divorced 12%, Married 34%

19. Maine -Divorced 14.1%, Married 39.5%

20. Maryland -Divorced 10%, Married 50.8%

21. Massachusetts -Divorced 9.6%, Married 38.1%

22. Michigan -Divorced 11.6%, Married 41.2%

23. Minnesota -Divorced 10%, Married 42.4%

24. Mississippi -Divorced 11.8%, Married 33.1%

25. Missouri -Divorced 12.2%, Married 39.9%

26. Montana -Divorced 12.6%, Married 44.5%

27. Nebraska -Divorced 10.4%, Married 47.9%

28. Nevada -Divorced 14.1%, Married 38.5%

29. New Hampshire -Divorced 12%, Married 45.8%

30. New Jersey -Divorced 8.5%, Married 44.1%

31. New Mexico -Divorced 12.9%, Married 40.3%

32. New York -Divorced 8.7%, Married 29.6%

33. North Carolina -Divorced 10.6%, Married 51.3%

34. North Dakota -Divorced 9.5%, Married 39.3%

35. Ohio -Divorced 12.1%, Married 32.1%

36. Oklahoma -Divorced 13.3%, Married 54.2%

37. Oregon -Divorced 13.2%, Married 38.3%

38. Pennsylvania -Divorced 9.6%, Married 32.9%

39. Rhode Island -Divorced 11.4%, Married 48.7%

40. South Carolina -Divorced 10.9%, Married 51.1%

41. South Dakota -Divorced 10.6%, Married 46.1%

42. Tennessee -Divorced 12.6%, Married 39.1%

43. Texas -Divorced 10.8%, Married 39.3%

44. Utah -Divorced 9.2%, Married 47.2%

45. Vermont -Divorced 12.4%, Married 33.4%

46. Virginia -Divorced 10.2%, Married 29.9%

47. Washington -Divorced 12.1%, Married 38.7%

48. West Virginia -Divorced 13.3%, Married 51.6%

49. Wisconsin -Divorced 10.8%, Married 44.9%

50. Wyoming -Divorced 12.8%, Married 46.5%

Thanks for reading!

My daughter likes a boy and I don’t know how I feel about it

So this has been eating away at me for about 3 weeks now. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 10 and 5. My oldest likes a boy and I don’t know how I feel about it as her father.

The last week of school my kids walked in and I see my oldest is all smiles and instead of running to the bathroom like she usually does, she gives me a hug and looks at me with that “I have a question, please don’t say no” face. I asked her how her day was and she says “Good….Lane wants my number so we can talk over the summer.” Keep in mind she’s 10 and doesn’t have a phone so all friends phone calls come through me.

I joke around with her about having a boy calling her then asked her the general questions: Who is Lane? Is he in your class? Does he like you? Do you like him? Basic dad stuff. Now usually when I ask her if she likes a boy in a joking way she goes EEEWWW DADDY NO! But this time was different. She had a shy smile and said yes. I don’t know about you but I felt a tear coming.

Before you judge me I did give her permission to give him my number so they could talk. I understand she’s growing up and she has to. But now I’m actually starting to notice and I want to protect her and prepare her for the world before that happens. Does that make since? Am I over reacting as my wife says? When was your daughters/sons first crush?

Top 5 arguments that lead to divorce

In America alone 40% – 50% of marriages end in divorce! Why is that? Well here are my 5 main arguments that lead to divorce.

5. Expectations

When your married you always see the best version of your husband/wife. But expecting them to be that person without them wanting to be can be aggravating for the both of you.

4. Dishonesty

Everyone tells a little white lie here and there. It’s when you consistently tell these little lies that gives your spouse a reason to question everything you say.

3. Communication

Almost all relationships, married or not, come to a point where communication or the lack thereof is the reason for most arguments. Without proper communication you don’t know how the other person is feeling or if there is something you both need to work on.

2. Infidelity

You would think cheating would be number 1! Being human and not controlling the urge to connect deeper than the surface with another person happens more often then not. All the reasons listed here can lead to someone cheating. To find what they are lacking at home somewhere else.

1. Money

The number one marriage killer all over the world! Not enough money and to many bills. One person wants to control all the money. Or simply one spouse just doesn’t want to work and help out financially.

These are my top 5 reasons for divorce in my opinion. What’s your number 1 reason to end a relationship?

If you and your significant other think counseling is in your best interest Click Here and take your first step together! Also check out my Marriage and Trust blog where you can read about why trust is so important in any relationship. Thanks for reading and see you next time!

Marriage and Trust

Why is trust important? How can trust elongate any relationship? And why you need to establish trust before marriage? It surprises me that these questions are frequently asked from couples. Here I will answer theses common questions and show you that trust is the “GLUE” that keeps all relationships together.

Why is trust important?

Every relationship has a foundation. Whether it be in the form of similar interests that got you first talking. Same career field or creative passion. Or even a tragedy that brought you two closer together. What do all of these have in common? If you and your spouse don’t trust each other, none of it attend and you’ll see your foundation start to fall apart. When the foundation is broken your left worth an empty lot of broken promises, lies, infidelity and lost of communication.

Trust trumps all other emotions in a relationship. When you trust your spouse,you have faith in their ability to do better if they do indeed fall short. That faith keeps you close enough to work through those hard times. Relationships or marriages without trust tend to always give up easily when there is a fork in the road.

How to elongate a relationship?

The first Monday after the new year is considered “Divorce Day” by many lawyers as they see a spike in divorce inquires every year. What’s the number one reason….money! Now your probably asking yourself “What does trust and money have to do with each other?” When you sit back and analyze that money situation, it all boils down to trust.

Let’s say you and your significant other have had Alot of financial problems between the two of you. Someone’s not making enough money, isn’t working at all or their just not paying their share of responsibilities. Do you “trust” that they will get a job? Do you “trust” they will pay the electric bill instead of buying something for themselves that doesn’t have any value? Do you trust them enough to work that issue out together as a team? If the answer is no, then you don’t have trust in them. You don’t have faith in their ability to be financially stable.

Trusting your spouse will give you the time it takes to let that person grow and be a better wife/husband. From my experience, being the one that violated the trust foundation, trust is the only thing that matters in times of struggle. Times of emotional wars and when your just flat out wring. Having just a little bit of it can go a long way. If my wife didn’t trust me at all, there would’ve been no way I could prove to her that I could do better. But I’ll save that story for another post. All I’m saying is, we wouldn’t have been married 10 years if we didn’t have trust in each other.

Trust BEFORE marriage

Establishing trust before you jump into a marriage can save you alot of time and heartache down the road. Alot of new couples get that “new relationship euphoria” where there spouse is the greatest thing mankind has ever seen! We’ve all been there. Your girlfriend/boyfriend can’t do any wrong. This is when you get married only knowing them for a few months of even weeks! But building trust takes time.

We are in a time of instant gratification. We all want things now. I want food now, go to a fast food drive thru. I want love now, go online and let the computer pair you with someone you don’t know. 28% of online relationships fail in there first year and are 3 times more likely to get divorced compared to people who meet face to face. When you meet someone in person you get a chance to feel if they are trustworthy, something not even the internet can tell you.

Building trust and actively trying to improve it is key to a healthy and long-term relationship. So if you are having trust issues, try communicating the problem and figure out what needs to change. If they love you, they will have no problem making those changes. Because if you don’t trust your spouse, is it really love? Or something else?

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this content follow me on Twitter @Hear my words1 so you will always know when I post a new blog. Also leave a comment if you have any questions about today’s topic!

Now or never

A pen is just a pen until you pick it up and write what’s on your mind. Then it becomes a tool. The tool when used to create and design becomes a way of life. How will you write the pages to your life? Is it a here and now short story? Or will it be a goal driven and future bound novel?

I sit and think about how I see myself, successful, stress free and traveling. Then realize that the whole time I’ve been dreaming it so much time has past. Did I wait to long? Did I not want it enough? I’ll say life got in the way. I had kids at a young age and now my focus is on them. I’ll say I don’t have the money, the time, the attention span or social skills to make my dreams reality. Doubt. The man drive killer within me that says you are what you are and nothing else. You can want and want but you will never be more then you are in this moment.

Well today is my rebirth! No more will I listen to my own doubtful mind. No more will I dream with no action. I have alot to give and this will be my first day of the rest of my life to prove it. Because if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.